Close To Home

  I am so grateful my daughter  talked me into getting a Facebook account.  I have been able to catch up with people I went to college with.  The status of a friend who lived on the same floor I did said she was headed to Lincon, IL because her daughter was having a baby.  I asked her if it was her first grandchild and she said that she had one grandson and that her son and his wife were expecting in July. 
  A couple of days later I was talking with Ben and mentioned this friend.  He asked if she was related to a college classmate of his with the same last name.  She did have a son by that name.  He and Ben had lived in the same dorm and they had gotten married within months of each other.  Ben knew that Eric and his wife were also expecting about the same time they were. 
  A few days later on Facebook, on January 14th, I saw Tayna's status.  It was so sad.  It said she and her husband were heartbroken for Eric and Rachel.  It didn't say exactly why but I knew.  I found out through a third party that they had went in for a prenatal visit and there was no heartbeat.
  I have been devistated by two miscarriages.  I knew what the poor mother was going through.  No amount of words can explain the emptiness and pain she was feeling.  When ever I hear of anyone losing a child I relive my own experience. 
  After I had my miscarriages I also did a lot of reading about grief.  One article I read said the grandparents' grief is double.  They are grieving for the loss of and grandchild and also for their child's loss. 
  I sent Tayna an email telling her of my experience and what I had learned.  Knowing that nothing can ease the pain at the moment I thought it might help them to know that it doesn't always hurt as bad as it does when it's new.  My heart went out to them.  
  A few days later Beth had her first visit to her new doctor since moving to this area.  She hadn't been feeling well and I think we were both a little concerned.  Her appointment went well and except, for a bladder infection, she and the baby were fine.  I posted that as a status on Facebook, knowing that Tanya would probably read it.  I felt so bad that she would not be able to make a similar post about her daughter-in-law.  Soon after I made the post she marked in the comment area (those familar with Facebook know what I mean) she marked that she liked my status.  That meant so much to me.  She didn't have to do that.  I know how hard that was for her.
  Why is it that our emotional lives are so entwined in our children's?  I had more fun helping my daughter plan her wedding than I did mine.  Also, I'm more excited about this baby than I was my own. 
  My son played sports in high school.  Last year school (08-09), his senior year, the football team had an undefeated regular season.  They lost their first game just before they would have played for the state championship for their division.  I still cry when I think about how broken hearted those boys were.  The team had bonded like they never had before and the seniors knew they would never experience that closeness again.  It was such a great ride and I don't even like football!  The next May my son's baseball team got into the playoffs.  The day after graduation the team played their last sectional game.  The past teams had made it that far but had never won that game that would have let them play in the Super Sectionals at the U of I.  They were playing at the Danville Stadium, where a minor league team, The Danville Dans, play.  It was the fourth inning.  The first batter got on second with a base hit and an error.  The second batter was walked.  The third batter was hit by the pitch.  With bases loaded my son came up to bat.  I remember thinking, "Please don't strike or even worse hit into a double play!" (I do like baseball!)  Brad, my son, hit the very first pitch for a Grand Slam homerun!  The place went absolutely wild!  A friend at the game was talking with another friend at the that moment.  She had to hang up because she couldn't hear. He had the biggest grin on his face as trotted around the bases.  As he rounded third base the coach grabbed his hand, as he had all the others, but Brad said he wouldn't let go.  The players mobbed him at home plate.  At that moment I was the proudest mother on the planet, or at least that stadium!  They ended up winning that game.  They were the first Salt Fork Storm team to play at the U of I baseball field.
  What does this have to do with what I'm writing about?  Tears are filling my eyes as I type.  When my kids are happy I feel twice the joy.  When they are sad I feel double the pain.  I think watching Beth losing a child would be worse than my own miscarriages.  My prayers are constantly with Tanya and her son and daugher-in-law.  This hit very close to home.

The Story So Far

  I guess I need to start at the beginning, the very beginning.  As long as I remember I wanted to be a mother.  I got married in 1983 and got pregnant in 1984.  Giving birth to my first child, Bethany Ann, on March 15, 1985 was one of the most exciting times of my life.  I remember holding her for the first time and absolutely falling in love with her.  I knew I would gladly give my life for her.  Raising her was not always easy.  She was always very smart (she started saying 2 word sentences at 14 months).  She quickly became very strong willed.   This makes for a difficult childhood at times but it also meant she would become a very strong woman.  As it is in so many cases I think we became closer after she went away to college.  I didn't have to be just her mom, I could now be a friend.  I would relive all of the difficult times to have the relationship we hve now.

  In 2006 she met her husband, Ben.  I couldn't have chosen a better husband for her myself.  Her wedding in December of 2007 was bittersweet.  All I could think of was that I had just held her in my arms.  But she was not only marrying a man who would be good to her, I knew he would be good for her.  I cannot imagine going through with a wedding when you had doubts about your child's choice for a spouse.  I thank God every day for my son-in-law.  They lived in Lincoln, IL because Ben was finishing up school at Lincoln Christian College (now Lincoln Christian University).

  Like me, she wanted to be a mother.  Unfoutunately she has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, which made it hard to concieve, and  Fibromyalgia which meant she would be in pain while pregnant.  She finally started going to a doctor who listened to and seemed to care.  So she and Ben decided to try to start a family.

  In October of 2009 she called me frequently giving me up dates on her progress.  Because of the PCOS she wasn't sure when she could get pregnant.  On October 23rd Ben's sister had a baby boy.  Ben and Beth got to go to Florida to visit them.  When she got back she really didn't say much about getting pregnant, in fact our converstations were  uncharacteristically short.  I didn't want to push the issue because I wanted her to tell me in her time, in her way.

  After she got back from Florida she called to ask us to meet them at Beef House in Covington the following Saturday.  We had just celebrated my son, Brad's, birthday at a restaurant so I suggested they just come to our house for chichen and noodles.  She said that Ben's parents, Bryan and Kay, had already made arrangements to meet us there.

  A couple of days later I told Brad that I thought Beth might be pregnant and she wanted to tell us at dinner.  He said he had just talked to her and that we were not meeting for that reason.  I asked him if he knew why and he said he did but wouldn't tell me.  He did say it was something good.  At first I believed him.  He's usually very truthful.  Then I got to thinking about it.  He doesn't like me trying to figure out surprises.  Either he was telling the truth or he hadn't talked to Beth at all.  I couldn't imagine her telling him before me!

  On November 7th. my husband, Steve, and I were on our way to the Beef House.  I honestly didn't think he had guessed anything.  Then he said his friend and boss, Dale, had asked if we were going out to eat so Beth could tell us she was pregnant and that he had thought the same thing.  I told him what Brad had told me.  I think we both suspected.

  When we got to the restaurant everyone else was already there.  As we greeted Bryan and Kay I noticed Beth was flittering around like a butterfly.  A few seconds later the waitresses brough our menus.  At first I didn't notice anything unusual but then someone said something and I notice there was a card on our menu, a card with a picture, an ultrasound picture saying we were going to be grandparents!  Our precious little bundle was expected July 4th.  Unexpectedly my eyes filled with tears.  I didn't realize how emotional this would be.  I still get teary eyed just thinking about that evening.

  I don't even remember really tasting my meal.  I was so happy for Ben and Beth and for me.  I kept telling Beth that I knew they had to wait to start a family, but hurry up!  Bryan and Kay had just returned from Flordia the day before.  They were visiting their first grandchild.  Of course the proud grandparents had pictures and I wanted to see them.  It was so enjoyable being able to celebrate with them.  Brad was supposed to have come with us but he forgot he had already made plans with his girlfriend, Krista.  Beth complained that he was a jerk for not coming.  I asked her if she had talked to him and she said no.  I told her what he had said and she just shook her head.  Ben and Beth stayed the night with us and Brad and Krista came over to the house after we got home to play games with Ben and Beth.  Beth gave him a card similar to our saying that he was going to be an uncle.  He admitted that he had lied because he didn't want me thinking I had figured out the surprise.
  Now the hard part.  Beth didn't want us telling anyone because of the increased risk of miscarriage because of her PCOS.  I wanted to shout it to the world!  But I also understood her reasoning.  I had two miscarriages between my two kids and that was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced.  I feel a little guilty.  I know at least some of her fear comes from knowing what I went through.  She wanted to wait until she was 12 weeks because the risk of miscarriage decreases after that.  She would be 12 weeks on the Saturday before Christmas and we could tell our family and friends then.  At the next doctor's appointment they changed the due date from July 4th to the 3rd.
  Ben was finishing up his last semester at Lincoln.  He needed to do an internship but was having trouble finding a place he could do one.  Several month earlier one of the ministers at our church told me to tell Ben that if he needed to our church might be able to work something out.  It was really not his first choice but he was getting desprite.  God worked things out in an unbelievable way.  Steve's mom had moved and her house still hadn't sold.  She let Beth and Ben stay there.  Beth also needed a job to that was flexable for her to be able to take classes at Lincoln.  A friend of our is an assistant principal at a local school and said she needed subs almost every day.  All Beth had to do is sign up.  She can work when she wants.
  Ben and Beth eventually decided we could tell our family at Thanksgiving. I made up an email to send to family.  Around Thanksgiving Beth helped me set up a Facebook account.  It's a great way to get information out to a lot of people at once. I  started a countdown to the day I could tell everyone I was going to be a grandma.  That was so much fun. 
  It seemed like it was such a long time to wait to tell people.  Then the day before I thought they would tell people I saw the status on Beth's Facebook anouncing she was pregnant so I posted my already prepared post.  It was so heartwarming to see the reactions and wishes of friends and family. 
    It was a wonderful Christmas.  We got Ben and Beth the crib they wanted.  Ben and his dad are going to make the other furniture and wanted it so they could duplicate the color and style.  I also made a stocking for little Percivile or Whilamina.  When I was Christmas shopping I went into a Gymboree, a children's apparel store.  I saw some of the cutest clothes!  The sales lady asked me if I needed help.  I told her it was a good thing I didn't know if I was going to have a grandson or granddaugher!  It saved us alot of money.